News of installation of an African Village at a zoo in Germany caused an uproar amongst not just Nigerians but a diverse amount of people around the world. What better way to compliment a story than with a simulation of what the interview process for actors must have been.

I wonder how many Nigerians signed up for the exhibition of Africans at the German zoo, scheduled to take place this summer. How am I so sure there are any Nigerian participants you might ask? Well, because I know my people. In fact I trust my people. As long as the price is right, the Germans will not be disappointed with our performance. I have tried to imagine how an interview for such a job would go:

Naija: This is my seventh year sir – I came here in January or so –
1998 – I live with my sister in Prague – she is a very good person.

Interviewer: Did you come here with the necessary legal
documentation
Naija: Yes.

Interviewer: Would you consider yourself a German now or would you
still describe yourself as a Nigerian?
Naija: First of all I would like to say that home is wherever you
lay your head – home is where the heart is – but if you ask me how
to describe myself, I will say I am a German Nigerian

Interviewer: How many languages can you speak fluently?
Naija: I speak German, English, Yoruba, Hausa, Igbo, a little French
and even small Spanish.

Interviewer: Wow! Very impressive – but if you are offered this job,
you will not be required to say anything at all – do you have any
acting experience.
Naija: Yes sir, when I was home – sorry – when I was in Nigeria I
took drama class.

Interviewer: Drama class?
Naija: Yes sir, I took drama in my secondary school – we used to do
a lot of different dramas, like Shake Speare and all kinds of drama.

Interviewer: Okay – It reads here on your application that you also
attended University in Nigeria. It says here that you studied
chemistry. Why are you not pursuing a career in that field
Naija: I have tried to seek employment, but you know if you are not
from here it is quite difficult to get a good position. I plan to
return to school and get my masters so things can be a little easier

Interviewer: Did you take any history courses when you were in school?
Naija: Yes, I took some

Interviewer: Which courses?
Naija: Just history – Nigerian history – Lord Luggard and Queen

Interviewer: I see, very good – how come you don't have a problem
with being placed in a zoo with other animals?
Naija: Well sir, at the end of the day we are all animals. There is
nowhere in Africa where you cannot find animals moving around

Interviewer: Really?
Naija: Yes now, we even have places in Africa you can go to see
animals

Interviewer: So you are fine with it?
Naija: 100 percent fine.

Interviewer: Good, good – It says here you have experience in
African drumming and dance?
Naija: Yes

Interview: What traditions are you familiar with within the drum and
dance culture?
Naija: Just general drumming and dancing

Interviewer: Well, we will not require you to do too much of that –
what we want is for you to be quiet for the most part, even when
spoken to, so as to better create the effect that you are also an
animal?
Naija: That's no problem – I won't say anything.

Interviewer: We're presently fighting with some other interest
groups to allow for nudity at our African exhibition – do you have a
problem with nudity?
Naija: Well, I wasn't aware of that – I –

Interviewer: Of course you can expect to be paid more if you agree
to go nude?
Naija: Well, eh eh – in that case there is no problem with that
either – after all we all came into this world naked

Interviewer: Great – well, let me take some time to go over your
application form once again and we will get back with you soon?
Interviewer: Thank you sir – I will not disappoint – I will be
expecting your call – thank you sir

German Interviewer: No problem, have a nice day.

Email Seyi at sangoking@yahoo.com