By Dichi

Staring problems.

Competition.

Girlfights.

The root. 

I learned when I was in the 3^rd grade that black girls weren’t nice. There were some nice ones, but the ones that I encountered in my elementary were mean.  For some reason there was this “I am better than you” personality floating around these small young faces. Was it something taught at home?  I could never understand it. 

In the 6^th grade I was a quiet young lady, yet my 5’8 frame, and “African” features made me stand out.  I remember being in Math class, and another black girl accusing me of “having a staring problem.” I didn’t say anything but I gave her a ‘you have a problem’ look. And before I knew it she and her crew were threatening to “beat my ass” after class. I didn’t know two things about fighting, all I knew was that I could run…and I could run fast.  So that’s what I did…as soon as the bell rang I ran…and without thinking I decided that I could leap over 6 flights of stairs. I broke my foot, and I laid there in pain. The black girls came all the way up to me, and just laughed, and then went on their way.  I was happy that they didn’t decide to beat me up.

In middle school things got worse. I didn’t have the right clothes, the right hairstyles, the right “look”.  I was afraid to look at other black girls, in fear that they would say “what-chu lookin at?” “you gotta a problem?”  “why you mad-doggin me?” I found myself in situations were I would walk halfway around campus to avoid walking in front of certain black girls. And even when I made friends, they would find some way to make it clear to me that I wasn’t “regular”. I was too tall, too skinny, too African-looking, and didn’t have the right style for people to fully accept me.

This all continued to go on throughout high school. If I ever came to school feeling good, and I knew I looked cute with my outfit or hairstyle, other black girls would find a way to make me feel like trash. 

“Too bad them shoes been came out”

“She think she cute…I don’t know why”

“Is that even her hair?”

So you get used to it.

It bothers me when I realize that black women look at other black women more than black men look at black women. There is so much hate, envy, jealousy, within black young ladies. We get all dressed up to go to the club/a house party/or a school event, only to feel either (confused) because so many girls are giving you dirty looks…or you put on your own shield. “Hell if there giving me dirty looks than I’ll give them dirty looks.”

It’s so rare to find black young ladies who sincerely compliment each other. Most of the time they are either fishing for compliments, or doing it falsely to feed this weird hatred within themselves.

Even when you’re the minority

I attend a University with a small amount of African American people. Even though there aren’t that many of us it is rare to see another black girl smile at another black girl. If I were to walk on campus and say Hi to another black female (a familiar face) I am taking the risk of getting a dirty look back.  So some people have stopped taking those risks. The hate between black females towards each other is SAD. I was at a crowded event one time and accidentally brushed up against another black female, I turned to say excuse me and if you could see the anger in her face you would think I just did something terrible. That’s not the first time I have had that problem. 

Mean-MuGGin

People sometimes ask me why I look mean sometimes. People sometimes ask me why most black girls walk around looking mean.  I always say “well it would be weird if I just walked around with a big smile, it would be deceiving. Because I am not happy at this University knowing that people of my own skin color will go out of their way to show just how much they don’t like me based on just seeing me and not talking to me.” I think competition has a lot to do with it also.  If a black girl is somewhere and feels like she is the “cutest” in that area, and another girl that’s considered “good-looking” walks in.. All hell breaks lose. Let’s all hurry up and find something wrong with her, and if we can’t let’s make something up.

If we can’t depend on each other for uprising, who else can we depend on? This idea that we are constantly competing with one another is getting out of hand. 

To all my sisters out there:

You ladies are all so beautiful to me (inside and out) in so many different ways. I mean we all have our flaws, our attitudes, but there is something unique about each and every one of us.

From our chocolate, caramel, mocha skin.. to our coarse, curly, nappy, wavy hair, .. to the way we handle ourselves. Black women got it going on.

 Please join me in spreading some sisterly love all over.

Ps: and I most def. love my brothers too.